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***QUESTION***

"David,

I have read your book, and found it truly inspiring. But I still need some help in one area, and need a real fast response. My wife left in July of last year, found out that she had been unfaithful, we divorced in September. I met a girl at work who I fell head over heels for, I met her in town one night, we talked, I got her number, she got mine, she actually called me first, we rode around a bit together and talked, we really hit it off, so I thought, well a few weeks went by of her coming over, phone talking, etc...., we never went out on a actual date. Some background on her...she has been in a bad relationship with a guy who cheated on her and really got her not to trust guys, I guess, all her past relationships have ended this way. Anyway, just as I thought things were going to move on, she told me she just wanted to be friends. Now I know that did wrong by being abit needy, as you put it, that may have been the problem, though she says that I did nothing wrong, just that she likes me just as a friend, well she got with this one guy and that only lasted a month, she stilled called me and talked to me at work, and now she still calls, and she actually came over the other day, but the friend thing is still being punctuated, and I'm just agreeing and telling her that is fine, which it is, but man, I am in love with her, she is the women that I would spend the rest of my life with. And she even told me at one time that I'm the type of guy that she would want to spend the rest of her life with, oh it is f***ing me up. But I've been playing it as cool as I can and not acting needy. Now, we are supposed to go eat dinner tomorrow night... as friends, my question is, with what I have told you, hope you gather my situation by what I have wrote, I hope you can give me some advice as to what I should do or say to get passed this friend deal and get her back into getting close again, I don't have any idea what caused her to push away, well yah I do, cause I was awful desperate, but I was speaking honest. I'm the same type of guy you described yourself as. You know one who would be faithful if was in a serious relationship. I make her laugh I do know that, she has shared a lot of problems, dealing with family matters to me, that she says she has never told any other past partners. We haven't had sex, though sex has been a topic, and yes they do talk about sex rather bluntly. Amazing. She and I talk so easily, I just can't see why she can't love me. We seem perfect for each other. ??????????

All help is appreciated,,,

C."

***MY COMMENTS***

It seems to me that there are a couple of things you don't realize: 1) You can't talk a woman into feeling attracted to you... your reasoning may be good, but reality is telling you something different.

2) If you've spent several weeks proving to her beyond the shadow of a doubt that you are a "nice, needy guy" it's going to take a lot more than a quick-fix technique from me to change it. If I knew how to solve problems like yours instantly I would charge ,000.00 per session for the advice, and there would be a line around the block of guys who would pay it.

I realize that I'm being a little harsh, but the real answer is:

DON'T DO THAT AGAIN.

Right now I'm shaking my head. Why? Because in your letter to me you say that she told you that you didn't do anything wrong... that she just likes you as a friend.

It must not be as obvious to you as it is to me why this is erroneous thinking. Do you actually think that a woman you just met a few weeks ago is going to say "You know, you're nice, but you just act too nice, you know... kind of like a wuss... and I'm just not sexually attracted to that kind of behavior..."? Of course not!

You may have missed it yourself, but in your letter you wrote that all of her relationships have ended badly and have invloved guys who mistreated her. DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT MEANS? It means that she's attracted to "BAD BOYS"... you know, the kind of guys that are selfish, abusive, AND SEXY.

By reading my materials you understand better what creates ATTRACTION inside of a woman, and now you need to take what you've learned and apply it. As you know, you don't have to be a jerk to be attractive.

The best thing for you to do is stop calling this girl, start dating other women, and hope that she begins to miss you and feel differently once she sees that you're not a clingy guy... and that other women find you attractive.

And next time, use the set of ideas that I spell out for you on pages 41-44 of Double Your Dating so that the woman that you're getting to know doesn't see you the way this one has been programmed to see you (by you).

If you keep doing what you've been doing, you're going to most likely keep getting what you're getting: A new friend, and a curious dry feeling just above place where your legs meet.

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